Cosplay

[Kuat]

jroseemi said:

Nope, not kidding. I leave Sunday morning.

And actually, everything isn't alright, or else I would be staying til the 20th of June like planned, but... it seems there is a problem (well... 3 problems) with me health wise.. and all 3 have my mom pretty freaked.

I'll leave it at that because I don't like to give details unless asked (mostly because then you get people saying they didn't really care to know... so yeah...)

We care to know. What exactly do you have? If you are uncomfortable with saying it, that's alright, but it seems like you're hesitant to express what's wrong because you feel that we may not care. If I know our group though, we do care about you, and we'd be there to offer support if you needed it.

[You probably can't touch this.]

Under neither our jerk-like, sarcastic attitudes, we're very caring guys. Really.

I'm not kidding. The Quartet crew <3 Emi.

[Captain Galaxy]

Really, if you can, please try to come back, Emi.

[The Dankness]

googlyminotaur said:

Under neither our jerk-like, sarcastic attitudes, we're very caring guys. Really.

I'm not kidding. The Quartet crew <3 Emi.

He's absolutely right. We're all full of love around here, whether it seems like it or not.

We're like a bunch of human hearts disguised as rectums.

[Kuat]

musicalwarrior said:

googlyminotaur said:

Under neither our jerk-like, sarcastic attitudes, we're very caring guys. Really.

I'm not kidding. The Quartet crew <3 Emi.

He's absolutely right. We're all full of love around here, whether it seems like it or not.

We're like a bunch of human hearts disguised as rectums.

Well... said?

[Muramasa]

I think that's as good as it's going to get.

[jroseemi]

Very well, then. I'll explain what has me leaving so early then (and no, I'm not uncomfortable talking about it. Its one thing if I were explaining it in person, but the internet makes it easy for me).

So.. three problems with my health....

1. I've fought past depression and social anxiety for a long time. I take a lot of medication for it because I've been hospitilized for suicide attempts (some major ones) and self-harm.

For those that didn't know... Doyle cheated on me and left me for the girl. This kind of kicked me over the egde of the cliff I was already standing on because of him beating me down emotionally. So my doctor upped my dosage of Wellbutrin (one of the anti-depressants).

But... then something else started up...

I haven't had panic attacks in a while, but when looking for Wylie (new boyfriend) in one of the hang out places on campus, I was hit by a really bad one. I ended up stuck in a corner, not being able to move at all. I was dizzy from breathing so hard, I was crying, I was shakey. My whole body was shaking from it. How I got myself away from the wall, I don't know... but I found Wylie and just about collapsed in front of him, so he had to pull me all the way to the second floor (we were on ground floor right below the 1st) to a room where no one was around in order to calm me down. I wasn't even able to explain what happened because my ability to speak had completely left me; I ended up writing the words "panic attack" down on a piece of paper, and at that point he just hugged me to try and calm me down.

I came out here, and ended up having 2 more (in the same day). The first was at the community college most of you go to. Sara had to get to class, so I was going to hang around the cafeteria and fiddle with my laptop. But when we got there, the cafeteria was packed, and I freaked out. We spent some time not knowing where to put me, which only increased my fear. Eventually Sara got me into a corner in the library and had to go. I ended up sobbing in the corner while trying to get my wireless internet to work (which it didn't) because Wylie told me to get online and I wanted to talk to him about it).

Second one came at Disney Land, as we were trying to get onto one of the rides. I got confused as to seating, because the way it looked, only one person could fit (although I knew for a fact more than 1 could). The little gates shut behind me, I went into a panic, and ended up running off and out the exit. When they got off the ride, Sara ran up to a freaked out, crying cousin who was still trying to breathe correctly.

So mom checked online for possible side affects, and it seems that Wellbutrin can increase anxiety, which could be causing the attacks. Therefore, we need to get me back to my psychiatrist to fiddle with the meds again, because I can't keep doing this. It's horrifying.

[jroseemi]

2. Heh.... since you asked, you can't complain about it being too much info.

The second problem has to deal with the whole female thing. I take the pill in order to regulate my weight because I got really sick from losing too much; I ended up with a month long, slow period from it.

I also took it because, yes, I became sexually active with Doyle.

We wanted to do some tests after what Doyle did, mostly because I'm not sure I trust that it was only the one time. I don't want to ignore it and then end up not treating something the ass gave to me (he called me really immature for that one).

Well... my period is very set in how it goes, and it stopped as it was supposed to... and then a week later, it started again. Fior the last two to three weeks, I've been stuck with it, and it's much worse than the slow month long one.

We need to figure out the cause of that... It could be stress, but it could be something else...

We'll see.

[jroseemi]

3. The last one is kind of complicated...

You see, my mom has multiple sclerosis, which is a neurological disease that affects her brain and spinal cord (it's basically her immune system being too active and is destroying cells in her body). Sometimes she's in a wheel chair, she hasn't driven for a long time... most of her body is numb and she has other various problems from it.

Well, as her daughter (child of the same gender), I'm more likely to be able to get it than any of you. Mom has been a little worried for a while because of some weakness in my legs that has been bugging me.

But it's gotten worse lately...

I have the weakness in my legs, which doesn't seem to allow me to stand for long. I get tired too quickly and have to sit down. I've also been getting really dizzy lately, and my eyes keep going out of focus.

To add to it, my limbs start to tingle every now and then out of nowhere (usually one at a time). It's almost like a numb feeling, but not completely.

Then we can add on my constant illness, headaches, and heat being so painful for me (sitting in Sara's mother's car has been torture for me when the sun is shining, its warm, and it's hitting me...)

Mom's not sure what it is... it very likely could not be MS, but it's close to what she started with, and she started near the age of 20. If that's what it is, I'm the right age for symptoms to begin showing...

She wants to take me to the Cleveland Clinic for an appointment with her doctor in the Mellon Center (the MS building) to check.




If it ends up being that, I can safely say my visits won't be the easiest anymore (although if I can't walk far enough and have to use a wheel chair like my mom, we can get into rides at Disney Land much faster).

I will see about any possible coming back; if not this summer, than perhaps on winter break. Uncle Don gets the free miles for all of the traveling he does.




So... that's why I'm going back early.

[Kuat]

Man, you sure have your plate full with all of that. As far as the first issue, yeah, it would be expected to increase anxiety as a function of what it does. You're literally doped up, as it were (it increases dopamine and adrenaline levels (noradrenaline, same difference)). I wish I knew more about antipsychotics. Make sure to update us on what he gives you.

As for the second, I guess it's STDs that's what you're worried about? I'll go try looking some up, and asking around. Whatever you do, don't look online. You'll get yourself too worried about this one, unless Doylie was a regular pimp who hit on crack hoes. You've went to a doc for this I presume, or plan to?

For the third, jeeze, that's a ringer. The Cleveland Clinic is a good place to go, rather noteworthy. If anyone in your area can help you, it'd be there I wager.

Anyway, I'm very sorry to hear about all this happening to you. Let's hope nothing bad comes out of this, and definately let us know what happens, alright? Best of luck to you.

[jroseemi]

Well, just by mom calling up, my doctor already said to drop 1 of the Wellburtin and I guess he's prescribing a third antidepressant...

Yes, I have seen the doctor about my second problem. We went in right before I left, but he couldn't do a whole lot since this strange period came up. It's stopped now... so we're going to get an appointment as soon as possible.

He prescribed me 2 pills before I left to be on the safe side. He said I probably didn't have anything, but it wouldn't kill me to be cautious. I'm almost done with the last one. He said when I came back he'd do a full exam for any problems.

[Kuat]

jroseemi said:

Well, just by mom calling up, my doctor already said to drop 1 of the Wellburtin and I guess he's prescribing a third antidepressant...

Yes, I have seen the doctor about my second problem. We went in right before I left, but he couldn't do a whole lot since this strange period came up. It's stopped now... so we're going to get an appointment as soon as possible.

He prescribed me 2 pills before I left to be on the safe side. He said I probably didn't have anything, but it wouldn't kill me to be cautious. I'm almost done with the last one. He said when I came back he'd do a full exam for any problems.

Well, what medications were they?

[jroseemi]

I forget what the first one was called, but it's those little pink pills they give for infections and whatnot. The antibiotics where you take 2 pills the first day and then one each day afterward until you're done.

Those were the first ones.

The ones I'm finishing up now are called Doxycycline. I'm done with that one tomorrow.

I guess we're picking up my new antidepressant on Wednesday. I have yet to understand what 3 rather than 1 will actually do for me. I know that Prozac kills the sex drive, which was the point of going on the Wellbutrin... I'm not sure what Ranjan expects of this new one.

Bah.. too many medications.

I take two in the morning, and then I'm stuck taking 6 pills at night. You'd think I'd be used to it all by now, but I think all of my suicide attempts took a toll on me. I used pills to try and kill myself, so taking pills now makes me gag really easily.

And now you guys know small parts of my darker past that Sara has watched this entire time. I'm assuming now that I've actually opened up a bit (by these explanations and the talk I had with a small portion of the group in person), you will all learn more over time, and may the gods help you.

I'm a very depressing person with a rather bad past (although my past is what created the relationship Sara and I have now. She played a VERY big part in my escape from Utah, which makes her one of my saviors through the roads I've taken, and she continues to be there.)