Poetry and Short Stories

[The Dankness]

Heck sounds like a jolly place.

[Muramasa]

It's magically delicious.

[Captain Galaxy]

mysticmuramasa said:

What The Heck?!: Tales from Heck vol. 325,945,111 and a notch. Passage 23: Gerbal

...in all reality, the city of Heck is actually a series of concentric rings that vacate a valley between two mesas. Within every circle lies a district that proforms a distinct task that benefit the greater good of Heck. Within the outermost circle, lies the shopping and commercial district. Anything related to the purchase of, or the sale of disposable and reusable goods lie within this district, as well as services. If want to buy it, you can find it here.

Because of the nature of the mesas and the location of Heck, this district is actually divided into two districts, an east and west district. The CEOs felt that for the sake of convenience, certain purchasable goods would be seperated between east and west sides based on their "consumer lifespan" which basically is the amount of given time a consumer would make use of a product. So, perisable goods and commodities can be found on the west side, and more permanent goods would be found on the east.

Truly it provides the most ideal situation. Suppose you lived on the eastern side of the third district, and needed to buy a vacuum cleaner. All you would have to do is drive through the Vulcan gates into the second district, and then take a train to the first. Of course, one could simply walk to the Vacuum retailers, but one would have to get through the train station, and our engineers need jobs. Of course, when you finally arrive at the retail store, you find out that there are no bags. Why? Because all the bags are on the west side of course. So, you'd have to take train to the west side of Heck (a 15 hour trip: 5 hours due to it stopping for other passengers, 3 hours for sight-seeing, 3 hours to return back to the original station for repairs due an engine malfuction caused by that stop near the smog plants, and 4 hours because the engineers need to take their 15 minute breaks too). Of course, the train is only one way, so you'd have to rent a car back to your home, which bills you by the mile, which is great because the roads prefer to wind unnecesarily.

In the end this grand chain helps feed the selfsustaining economy that Heck bets all it's chips on. It is a cycle that is super-resistant to any outside interference. Competitors that operate outside of Heck have no choice but to send their wares through the opposite side.

Let's talk about the second district...

Seriously Anta, this is great stuff. When is the book due to come out?

[Muramasa]

Hopefully by tomorrow if I can persuade the publishers. Persuade the only way I know how.

[Captain Galaxy]

"And there as he lay in the darkness of that prison, he heard the cringing footsteps of Death slowly creep in. He began to feel warmth leaving him as her pale skin settled over his. Though his heart was against it, he gave himself willingly, and she with her crimson lips kissed him and began to withdraw breath from his soul. Yet out from the shadows came a light that pierced his closed eyes. He heard a voice, majestic and sincere, beautiful and strong. And it said, “No, leave this one alone.” And in that moment the frigid cold left him, and he felt Death pull her black robes away. Then white light flooded the room, and he felt as if he had become engulfed in a sea of purity. And when he opened his eyes he saw a woman, whose own beauty and grace blinded him, and he quickly turned away."

A little excerpt from "The Tale of Arithien" from my upcoming book, "Legends of Fairhaven." - Adrian Hernandez

[Captain Galaxy]

googlyminotaur said:

Yep... Petty reference.

Ah ha! A petty reference? or a Petty reference?

[You probably can't touch this.]

for that response you get an awkward photo of Petty, himself!

[The Dankness]

One thing I didn't really need to see... Tom Petty in his "hey there baby, come have some of this" pose.

[Inaaca]

You know you like it.

[Muramasa]

What The Heck?!: Tales from Heck vol. 325,945,112 and a hint. Letter to the Dean of Biodiversical Sciences of the School of Entymology of the University of Heck.

Salutations:

The purpose of this letter is to inform you of our current situation regarding the research project. As you know, we are currently examining specimens outside of the walls of Heck, and so far we have discovered a variety of new species. As much as I would love to pronounce the assignment a complete success, we have run into a minor problem.

Currently, there are four thousand students within the University Biodiversical Sciences. Of thouse four thousand, six hundred of them currently enrolled in the school of Entymology. And of those six hundred, we receive eighty applications for this particular research project, with about ten of those eighty being qualified to participate every year. The nature of the problem lies not within number of enrollees, but what happens to these students once they pass the Gates.

We are running out of students.

Of the new species we found, one particular variant of Myrmecia have been found to be rather remarkable. This species of ant differs from the common ant that can be found within the Gates in it's amazing ability to make use of it's unilateral hive-mind synergy process.

Dr. Jenkins theorizes that there is a possibility a single cranial cavity actually holds the potential for one neuron. Through the use of pheromones, a single ant can release a semi-electrical discharge, and this process continues until the discharge reaches the Queen, repeating a process that is similiar to our long-term potentiation processes in our brain. Unlike other myrmecia with a similiar hive mind process, they create a true unified conciousness that is distributed amoungst every ant, as opposed to a regular hive minds that are only linked by general communication.

Several students have disappeared since the discovery of this variant. At first, we suspected an unusually aggressive archtype, but things have become more complex. Most ants usually pick remains clean, leaving unsuable parts behind. Remains found near the anthills of this species are much more intact. If anything, certain organs are only extracted, usually a vital one of some sort. Plus, extracted organs are never the same from body to body. The pattern in which organs are extracted never seem to be consistant, but methodology is the same for every corpse found.

Generally, a slim opening of near surgical percision is found near the targeted organ. When an organ is targeted, only that organ is taken, with no visible damage around neighboring organs.

A study done with a few captured ants show that their pheromone discharge communication will allow them to bit in unison. This is done over several occassions.

There does not seem to be a rhyme or reason as to why which organs are picked. The only real pattern that can be deduced is that they seem to take the same organ more than three times.

To complicate matters further, they are not just limited to organic matter as well. Some equipment found also seemed to be missing particular parts. Lab equipment has been found methodically dissected near corpses. In one especially strange case, one student did survive an encounter with this varient, but was missing her equipment and her clothing. She is currently undergoing psychiatric treatment at our counseling centers.

The variant has been identified and students have been warned to remain clear. Regardless, the increasing amount missing field researchers have sparked an enormous degree of alarm within our academic community, myself included.

We need your guidence on this matter, and request your final decision. I, personally, suggest that we stop the program all together until we learn more about this variant of ant from our captured specimens. Please take the time to consider this carefully.


Dr. Winslow Pookadaw

[Captain Galaxy]

"We are running out of Students"

Awesome.

[You probably can't touch this.]

5 Couplets of Seven Syllables Per Line Ending With 'Ake'

standing on a frozen lake
worried 'bout my life at stake

can't stand no more Shake 'N Bake
rather eat a giant cake

blood that's dripping so not fake
hockey made my nose all break

sleeping through a large earthquake
clock alarm makes me awake

bloody half-cooked piece of steak
dinner with my friend named Jake

[The Dankness]

That poem is good, for goodness sake
I really really liked it...

[The Dankness]

...ake

[You probably can't touch this.]

thanks it was easy to make

[Muramasa]

Wonderfully boring.

Joe tended to begin his day by clumsily teetering out of his bed. Not the most graceful way to wake up, but every morning this method proved to be reliable enough for Joe to consistantly use it when the electronic rooster sings. He would fumble to find his slippers, one slipper would be half on by the time he gave up, and then he would proceed to slightly tumble into the bathroom where he would bumble with the toiletries. After barely brushing his teeth, he would then stumble to the window in the bathroom and mumble the same words every morning,

"Just another boring day,"

And he would then head to the kitchen to prepare what anthropologists call "breakfast".

Across from Joe's apartment lives a wee lass named Nell, who incidentally, was actually 48. But Nell wasn't actually in her room that day. Should I say, she wasn't in her room in one piece. Minutes before Joe had said those immortal words, a serial killer appeared, who called himself The Stupendous Spider-man. This particular gentlemen's modus operandi often involved the asphyxiation of his victims, using a strange liquid-like substance that then solidified over time to look like "webbing" in a person's mouth. I would like you to note that the particular Spider-man in this story bares no relation, nor is he even a referance to Marvel Entertainment, Inc.'s Spider-man. First of all, that version is either The Amazing Spider-man or The Incredible Spider-man. Second, this is a facking story. Any images of Spider-man are from YOUR head. So if anybody should be getting sued, it should you. Besides, he doesn't even have the trademark red and blue costume. Back to the serial killer, he would then proceed to remove his red and blue costume and tear apart his victim in a rather gruesome fashion, probably with a hacksaw, as Mavel's Spider-man would never use a hacksaw. Nell would be suspected missing by her coworkers three hours from this event. Eighty percent of her body will be found throughout her studio within a period of six days. The last remaining twenty will be lost in text and lore...

Joe's breakfast consisted of the same meal every morning. It was a box of "Crunch-Os" that would be bought at the local supermarket three blocks down the way. He would go there every Sunday after church, which he attended rather regliously and ironically skeptically. He also eat his cereal in a similiarly metronomish fashion. Eight bits of cereal. Four chews. Two sloshes. And a swallow. His morning meal would proceed in that manner every morning. After finishing his cereal, he would glance at yesterday's paper, a habit that he formed when the paper boy forgot deliver to his appartment one day. He would skim the sports section, glance at the funnies, peer at the classfieds, and gloss over current events. These chain of events were then followed by a despondent sigh, and glance out the window.

On the street corner at the bottom of Joe's apartment (50 stories tall), something amazing was about to happen. This something has lied in the waste of humanity for several eons, waiting for the perfect chance to strike. Roaches. But not just any roaches. These were super roaches. Roaches that were not the result of evolution, aliens, or covert government experiements. No, these were Roaches of circumstance. Circumstances of Tide. Of Bleach. Of Cheer. When these chemicals combined together...I could explain this in a scientific manner, but instead I'll a managerial technique of "empowerment". I empower you, the reader, to come up with a good explaination of this.

In any case, the roaches were ready to take over the world. They, of course, needed an oppertunity to strike. Opportunity decided to walk in a pair of loafers today. His name was Larry. Today was the day he would confess to the girl of his dreams. A rather ordinary looking girl who worked at a rather ordinary brothel. Standing on a corner, over a vent, he would devise the method in which he would wisk away his princess from the claws of low class servitude to slightly not as low class. Alas, this young man's dreams would be shattered. By the time you read this line, they will have already chewed through the heel of his shoe. By the time you read this line, they will have crawled up his leg, the sharp jagged maws simultaneously biting while moving. The very same legs that he would have used to elope, his darling princess in arms, will have collapsed under him, being nothing more than bone by the time you read this line. Truly a tragic tale for a tragic man, in a tragic place; habitat to a tragic race. The roaches have begun their movement. Joe grumbles about the cold, stale air and heads toward his room to get dressed for work.

His wardrobe consisted of 6 clothing archtypes: A dress-shirt, a pair of slacks, a pair of socks, a pair of briefs, a pair of shoes, and the tie would be in a pair too, if only it weren't too exciting for Joe. Joe would start by putting on a new pair of briefs. After that he would put on his dress shirt, followed by his socks. He would then struggle to get his slacks on. Two sizes too small. Even when he bought a new pair that fit just right in the store; two sizes too small. He would winslor his ties. And to add the cherry, he'd comb his hair. The same way every day.



[will add more later or never]

[The Dankness]

His name was Larry. Today was the day he would confess to the girl of his dreams. A rather ordinary looking girl who worked at a rather ordinary brothel.

I swear, that line tripped me out like no other.

By the way, that was the most interesting boring story I've ever read. You must definately add more.

Also, maybe I should finish that three-part story I started quite a few pages back...

[Muramasa]

You probably should. I predicted it would end with a nuclear explosion and I want to see if I'm right.

[The Dankness]

mysticmuramasa said:

You probably should. I predicted it would end with a nuclear explosion and I want to see if I'm right.

Quite an educated guess, I must say.

[Muramasa]

Educated it was. Now finish it. Or you will be regret.