Post by The Dankness on Mar 4, 2007 3:23:29 GMT -8
The Dankness's review of
Turbans, slimey snake monsters, and racism... all in one fabulous article!
Well friends, I've finally done it. I've finally decided to stop being Captain Lazy-Ass DX and start writing again. You may be thinking to yourself But MW, why the sudden passion for writing again, hmmm? Well, let's just say, I've been going rom crazy lately. I've been going to every website I can find and downloading dozens of roms, half of which are of games I haven't even heard of before. Roms roms roms roms roms. Needless to say, looking through some of these roms has brought forth some pretty article-worthy material. You can expect more game review articles like this one as I discover more of what lays hidden in this collection; but for now, let's get on with the first game...
The game for today is a little NES sleeper hit called Super Arabian. Yup, that's right. I can just imagine how the staff meeting went for this...
Staff Member Bob: "Alright team, we've got an hour to come up with a good concept for a game, so let's get to it... anyone?"
Staff Member Stan: "I got nothin."
Staff Member Jeff: "Nope."
Staff Member Harold: "Wait a second... I'VE GOT IT! Arabians are cool, right? Let's make a game about an arabian."
Staff Member Bob: "An arabian... I don't know, sounds kinda... dull."
Staff Member Harold: "But wait! It isn't just any arabian... It's a SUPER ARABIAN."
Staff Member Bob: "My God, you've done it! Now let's get to work on... SUPER ARABIAN!"
We love you, Staff Member Harold. Anyway, before I get into the actual game itself, allow me to introduce our main character:
THE SUPER ARABIAN
Yup, he's definately an arabian. He's got the turban, the cool vest thing, those curly Aladdin shoes, and even the sun-tanned skin (from living in the desert, duh!). Boy, these guys sure paid attention to detail, didn't they? Well, there's no doubt in our minds that he's an arabian, but some of you might be wondering what makes him so super. Well, let's let's check it out...
Our hero in action.
Let me say right off that this dude is frikkin badass. They promised a SUPER arabian, and they sure as hell delivered. Imagine Mario from the original Donkey Kong game, except pumped up on steroids or something. This guy can run, jump, climb vines, deliver a super-kick with his badass Aladdin shoes that sends enemies flying, and best of all, HE DOESN'T TAKE GODDAMN FALL DAMAGE like a certain italian plumber we all know. The only downfall is that he dies in one hit, but really, it's an NES game... It's to be expected.
On to the actual gameplay!
The first three levels of the game. There's alot more levels, but I couldn't get past 3. (It's seriously hard, shut up.)
Pictured above are examples of the basic layout of the game. The point is to basically make your way up each screen, and get all the pots, while kicking the crap out of the ravens and crazy slime-snake monsters that litter the level. Also, notice the letters on the pots? You actually get bonus points if you manage to spell out certain words (i.e. ANIMAL, HORSE, RABBIT, etc.). Unfortunately, I didn't notice that in the beginning, so this is what I came up with:
Dude, I almost spelled laminate.
Ah well, whatever.
The bad guys.
The enemies in the game are these annoying crows and weird slimey snake things (both mentioned earlier) that for some reason are out to get our brave hero. An arabian's work is never done, eh? They aren't too hard to deal with initially, but if you take too long gathering up those pots, the enemies will actually combine with each other to form super versions of themselves:
The one on the left is actually in the process of killing my sorry ass in that screenshot.
Yup, they combine and proceed to fly around the screen like frikkin berserko's, trying to kill you. If you've mastered the super-kick well enough though, you should be okay.
As far as plotline goes, I haven't the slightest, but I can only imagine that it's something incredibly awesome. I'll bet those pots are filled with something awesome, like treasure or rocket-packs or something, and he's killing his way through these legions of mutant animals to get them. I'll bet it probably ends with him getting a huge harem, too. Sweet.
BOTTOM LINE
To tell you the truth, after initially reading the title, my expectations weren't too high, but this game is actually pretty damn fun. It's like Donkey Kong, but better. Now all we've gotta do is wait for the sequels, like Super African, Super Norwegian, and Super... uh, Vietnamese person?
7 turbans out of 10
Until next time!
-MW
