Post by Kuat on Apr 16, 2006 0:30:15 GMT -8
Considering various reactions to my "tales from New York", I think it would be a good idea to commit some of that crap to paper (especially the Chinese Soul food and the Longest Elevator ride stories). I'll just use this thread to update my various impressions about our brothers on the East Coast, and to relay how I didn't get shot.
Constructive criticism is welcome.
Lavish praise is, too.
So yeah, leave a comment. Eventually I'm going to put these articles on the site w/ pictures, so comments would help.
A strange man in a New York land, Part 1: Fish out of Water.
Imagine, if you will, a gold fish that was raised in a nice, temperate bowl, surrounded by the finest plastic palm trees, bubbling treasure chests, and other various doo-dads. He was fed only the finest dried shrimp and food-like pellets, and lived in the veritable lap of aquatic luxury.
Then imagine throwing that same fish into a public toilet in Mexico...
...a public toilet next to a local restaurant.
....a restaurant who’s key ingredient is the most potent laxative in the world.
This said fish... would not be happy, if a fish could indeed express emotions. Probably this fish would pray for flushing, if only the toilet hadn’t been backed up for a decade or so; a decade of use, might I add.
What is the point of this allegory you ask?
About a year ago, my permanent residence was in a place known as Tustin. Located in Orange County, it’s pretty much the textbook definition of suburbia. Rolling hills covered with tract homes and dotted with strip malls and shopping centers, Generica* has found a home and its area code is 714. This was my home and the place where I formed my happiest memories. Previously, I had lived in a place called Torrance, kind of like Tustin’s older, beach bum brother. Suffice to say my street cred was dangerously lacking.
So, why did I leave my warm nest? In an adventure I will probably catalog later, I took part in the great show of masochism that is the medical school admissions process. Facing such well thought out questions like “if I were a type of music, how would that affect my clinical care” or “what if Hitler had won WWII” (I ain’t making this shit up), I kissed so much ass that I was coughing up dingleberries. Finally, after all was said and done, I got my acceptances and had to make a decision where I would spend the next four or so years of my life. My decision ultimately was to attend the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Why is it named after Einstein? Well, I have a question for you: why does your mother give such poor head. Oooh, you just walked into that one.
Anyway, after saying my various goodbyes I embarked upon my epic journey to my new home: The Bronx. Yes, you heard me: THE Bronx. The name itself recognizes that it is a single entity, never to be replicated. There is only one The Bronx, accept no substitutes. Also possibly because no one would ever want to create such a travesty anywhere else.
The Bronx itself if many various adjectives, none of them really flattering. The only good thing I can say about The Bronx is that there are express trains out of it. It’s drab, bleak, dirty, loud, and smelly; like Rosie O’Donnel but takes up slightly less real estate. The people are well… interesting. Yes. It’s the birthplace of rap, old home of the local Italian and Jewish mafias, and where Yankee stadium is located. The newest homes were probably built in the 40’s. Most people drink not orange juice but orange drink. McDonald’s is Christmas dinner. A respectable job probably would cost 15 years in jail. The Bronx, in a word, is not a home for a Southern Californian guy who thinks Anime is pretty awesome and that wearing the colors blue and white isn’t a grounds for being shot.
However, I’ve found this a definite learning experience. In addition, it’s a great study in culture shock. From time to time, I’ll post my various experiences in The Bronx and New York City itself. Although hyperbole is usually my friend, I’ll be hard pressed to exaggerate the events I will relate here. For now though, I’m going to enjoy my spring break at home, away from the likes of people such as Gino the Ginny and pals.
*Get it, its merging America and Generic. Man those hippies are SOOO CLEVAR!
Constructive criticism is welcome.
Lavish praise is, too.
So yeah, leave a comment. Eventually I'm going to put these articles on the site w/ pictures, so comments would help.
A strange man in a New York land, Part 1: Fish out of Water.
Imagine, if you will, a gold fish that was raised in a nice, temperate bowl, surrounded by the finest plastic palm trees, bubbling treasure chests, and other various doo-dads. He was fed only the finest dried shrimp and food-like pellets, and lived in the veritable lap of aquatic luxury.
Then imagine throwing that same fish into a public toilet in Mexico...
...a public toilet next to a local restaurant.
....a restaurant who’s key ingredient is the most potent laxative in the world.
This said fish... would not be happy, if a fish could indeed express emotions. Probably this fish would pray for flushing, if only the toilet hadn’t been backed up for a decade or so; a decade of use, might I add.
What is the point of this allegory you ask?
About a year ago, my permanent residence was in a place known as Tustin. Located in Orange County, it’s pretty much the textbook definition of suburbia. Rolling hills covered with tract homes and dotted with strip malls and shopping centers, Generica* has found a home and its area code is 714. This was my home and the place where I formed my happiest memories. Previously, I had lived in a place called Torrance, kind of like Tustin’s older, beach bum brother. Suffice to say my street cred was dangerously lacking.
So, why did I leave my warm nest? In an adventure I will probably catalog later, I took part in the great show of masochism that is the medical school admissions process. Facing such well thought out questions like “if I were a type of music, how would that affect my clinical care” or “what if Hitler had won WWII” (I ain’t making this shit up), I kissed so much ass that I was coughing up dingleberries. Finally, after all was said and done, I got my acceptances and had to make a decision where I would spend the next four or so years of my life. My decision ultimately was to attend the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Why is it named after Einstein? Well, I have a question for you: why does your mother give such poor head. Oooh, you just walked into that one.
Anyway, after saying my various goodbyes I embarked upon my epic journey to my new home: The Bronx. Yes, you heard me: THE Bronx. The name itself recognizes that it is a single entity, never to be replicated. There is only one The Bronx, accept no substitutes. Also possibly because no one would ever want to create such a travesty anywhere else.
The Bronx itself if many various adjectives, none of them really flattering. The only good thing I can say about The Bronx is that there are express trains out of it. It’s drab, bleak, dirty, loud, and smelly; like Rosie O’Donnel but takes up slightly less real estate. The people are well… interesting. Yes. It’s the birthplace of rap, old home of the local Italian and Jewish mafias, and where Yankee stadium is located. The newest homes were probably built in the 40’s. Most people drink not orange juice but orange drink. McDonald’s is Christmas dinner. A respectable job probably would cost 15 years in jail. The Bronx, in a word, is not a home for a Southern Californian guy who thinks Anime is pretty awesome and that wearing the colors blue and white isn’t a grounds for being shot.
However, I’ve found this a definite learning experience. In addition, it’s a great study in culture shock. From time to time, I’ll post my various experiences in The Bronx and New York City itself. Although hyperbole is usually my friend, I’ll be hard pressed to exaggerate the events I will relate here. For now though, I’m going to enjoy my spring break at home, away from the likes of people such as Gino the Ginny and pals.
*Get it, its merging America and Generic. Man those hippies are SOOO CLEVAR!
