Post by Kuat on Mar 10, 2007 14:00:25 GMT -8
1.) Centimeters do not exist. It's sonameters. If you ask why, prepare to get looked at like you just said the holocaust never occurred.
2.) In any example where a patient is killed, something stupid is said, or the world explodes, it is the medical student's fault. Akin to the Dwarves in LotR, medical students can only do three things: fall on their own scalpels, make hideously wrong diagnoses, or cry like a little girl.
3.) The patient always dies in case samples. Paper cut? Ankle sprain? Common cold? Dead, dead, and dead. This is for the purported excuse to show up autopsy slides of the case. Also because in the main provider of care is the medical student.
4.) Attendings (think of them as senior physicians) are never wrong. Ever. If they say two and two is three, well that just means you need to relearn math. Even if you have a literal mountain of journal articles behind you to support your case, the attending, like old testament god, will smite you back into high school.
5.) Did I mention medical students are the worst scum of the earth and kill every single patient due to their amazing idiocy? It's true. At least according to the cases written by the attendings. Death follows their every move.
6.) All patients hate themselves and will always leave out possibly the most critical pieces of their history. After telling you their own personal phobias of flouronated water, they forget to say that they happen to have blood in their urine. After all, it's just a consequence of the flouronation, right?
a.) The internet and TV are your worst enemies. Patients love to use medical lingo they learned from some forum, and start using medical language in an incorrect manner or diagnose themselves in odd ways ("Gee doc, I think I have inflammatory bowel disease possibly caused by acute bowel ischemia" when they just have a stomach ache from eating bad fast food). Also, you will be compared to TV physicans. Hate your life if they happen to watch 'House'.
b.) Contrary to the above points, the patient is right 99% of the time about their own problems and what treatments will or won't work against all logic.
7.) There are 1,001 medical terms for hospital staff to cover their own asses so the patients don't get huffy. Nosocomial, iatrogenic, and ideopathic mean "Hospital Acquired" "Physician Caused" and "What the hell, don't look at me, I don't know!". Many diagnoses have no known cause or treatment, but are given long Latin names to placate patients.
a.) Every term commonly used is given a Latin counterpart, and I mean every term. Because god forbid we actually use terms like itchy, swollen, or red. That's for the unwashed masses. Prepare to learn a plethora of redundant and functionally useless terminology.
2.) In any example where a patient is killed, something stupid is said, or the world explodes, it is the medical student's fault. Akin to the Dwarves in LotR, medical students can only do three things: fall on their own scalpels, make hideously wrong diagnoses, or cry like a little girl.
3.) The patient always dies in case samples. Paper cut? Ankle sprain? Common cold? Dead, dead, and dead. This is for the purported excuse to show up autopsy slides of the case. Also because in the main provider of care is the medical student.
4.) Attendings (think of them as senior physicians) are never wrong. Ever. If they say two and two is three, well that just means you need to relearn math. Even if you have a literal mountain of journal articles behind you to support your case, the attending, like old testament god, will smite you back into high school.
5.) Did I mention medical students are the worst scum of the earth and kill every single patient due to their amazing idiocy? It's true. At least according to the cases written by the attendings. Death follows their every move.
6.) All patients hate themselves and will always leave out possibly the most critical pieces of their history. After telling you their own personal phobias of flouronated water, they forget to say that they happen to have blood in their urine. After all, it's just a consequence of the flouronation, right?
a.) The internet and TV are your worst enemies. Patients love to use medical lingo they learned from some forum, and start using medical language in an incorrect manner or diagnose themselves in odd ways ("Gee doc, I think I have inflammatory bowel disease possibly caused by acute bowel ischemia" when they just have a stomach ache from eating bad fast food). Also, you will be compared to TV physicans. Hate your life if they happen to watch 'House'.
b.) Contrary to the above points, the patient is right 99% of the time about their own problems and what treatments will or won't work against all logic.
7.) There are 1,001 medical terms for hospital staff to cover their own asses so the patients don't get huffy. Nosocomial, iatrogenic, and ideopathic mean "Hospital Acquired" "Physician Caused" and "What the hell, don't look at me, I don't know!". Many diagnoses have no known cause or treatment, but are given long Latin names to placate patients.
a.) Every term commonly used is given a Latin counterpart, and I mean every term. Because god forbid we actually use terms like itchy, swollen, or red. That's for the unwashed masses. Prepare to learn a plethora of redundant and functionally useless terminology.
