Post by Kuat on Jan 18, 2010 10:16:14 GMT -8
From what I can gather, the old guy tried to plan a heist/scam/shenanigan, but his hired thugs backstabbed him. So I guess he deserves it this time around.
I just want that one ugly guy from the first movie to get shot in the face. The other guys, whatever. Maybe we can see them in some sort of generic squalor, or maybe some newspaper flashbacks of them going to prison. But the rockstar dude, I want it to either show him dead due to severe cranial trauma (with gratuitous pictures), or dying of AIDS* in a hospital bed, eating through a tube, crapping through a colostomy bag, and pissing on himself.
*AIDS he got by being sodomized in prison.
The movie was sort of like "no country for old men" in a sense that it was a movie with assholes attacking other, lesser assholes. At the worst, it's "Funny Games" with average joes being tortured by plot-shielded psychopaths. Stylistically it wasn't a bad movie, and I even listen to the soundtrack. That said, it's like Charles Manson vs Pol Pot. You aren't exactly rooting for either side. In certain movies the villains are likable or deep, like Hannibal or Landa, so if they have their victories, it isn't so bad. Hell, the Godfather series was following a group of mafioso, but they were three dimensional characters that were made sympathetic to the audience.
Attack the gas station had a whiny group of thugs vandalize a gas station, and be douches. Not a single protagonist was likable, with some vague sob stories about how that one asshole couldn't paint, the other asshole was a shitty musician, the leader asshole failed at joining the major leauges or whatever, and the big dumb asshole being a big, dumb asshole. These are not deep characters! These are not underdog heroes of the oppressed! Robin hood or Ali Baba they ain't!
To put it yet another way, it's like the guy in GANTZ who killed the baby over eating pudding, then seeing a flashback with him being traumatized by a pudding incident, then a flashforward showing him as a successful businessman. His stupid backstory does not make the fact that he's an amoral shithead A OK. It's unsatisfying and unrewarding. I do not like the "apple jacks" commercials for the same reason: glorification or justification of being an asshole is stupid.
Here's a litmus test: if kenshiro came across a character, what would he do with them? For these guys? They'd already be dead.
In fact, a one act catharsis for me:
Act one:
Kenshiro walks through a time warp in order to get supplies for the future, and spots a gas station in the distance.
As he approaches, Kenshiro sees a hideous man with a protruding jaw and beady eyes.
Kenshiro: May I have some gasoline
Shitwad McFuckwit: (something in korean)
Kenshiro then gestures to the pump, and produces some shiny gems in barter.
Cockwad (appearing agitated): (something else in korean)
Kenshiro then tries to gesture peaceable intentions, until he senes something amiss. From the windows, he sees the cashiers tied up.
During this time, Nopenis O'Castrate then decides to attack Kenshiro, being used to his unusually easy victories that night, as if some god were allowing four failures who couldn't succeed in anything one night where they didn't screw up.
Kenshiro then proceeds to beat the ever living daylights out of him, causing his lungs to be shredded from fragmented ribs, his large jaw torn off and thrown to the side by a powerful swing, and both his eyes crushed in their orbits. He falls to the ground, a puddle of a man, slowly suffocating to death on his own blood and bone.
Kenshiro then assesses the situation, and seeing that obvious villany is afoot, goes in to save the hostages. However, he is confronted by...
Shitgolem: HUR DURRRR HUF DURRR
Kenshiro sees that he is similar to the many decerebrate waste he has fought in his future, and decides that this was their progenitor.
Moron Monument (slams his big stick on the ground): GRRRAAAAH
As the tower of idiocy embodied charges forward, Kenshiro quickly goes to ground, and rips the Fuckwit's testicles off, thus preventing the breeding of future hideous 'tards.
Pinnacle of pinheads: (sobs, and faints)
As Kenshiro progresses, a blinding fastball approaches. But fuck that's it's Kenshiro and he catches it an inch from his head. He then throws it at the pitcher's head, resulting in a graphic explosion of his brain across the pavement.
The painter, realizing that this is just the logical inverse of the luck they were having that night, runs away, only to be confronted by both the mafia and the Chinese delivery guys. Being the effeminate pussy he is, they run a train on him, where he later dies in the hospital due to sustaining severe rectal tears and facial trauma.
Kenshiro then frees the hostages, and takes his supplies while leaving some gems on the counter. The old man uses these gems to get the hell out of that shithole of a city, and go some place where he isn't robbed nightly.
I just want that one ugly guy from the first movie to get shot in the face. The other guys, whatever. Maybe we can see them in some sort of generic squalor, or maybe some newspaper flashbacks of them going to prison. But the rockstar dude, I want it to either show him dead due to severe cranial trauma (with gratuitous pictures), or dying of AIDS* in a hospital bed, eating through a tube, crapping through a colostomy bag, and pissing on himself.
*AIDS he got by being sodomized in prison.
The movie was sort of like "no country for old men" in a sense that it was a movie with assholes attacking other, lesser assholes. At the worst, it's "Funny Games" with average joes being tortured by plot-shielded psychopaths. Stylistically it wasn't a bad movie, and I even listen to the soundtrack. That said, it's like Charles Manson vs Pol Pot. You aren't exactly rooting for either side. In certain movies the villains are likable or deep, like Hannibal or Landa, so if they have their victories, it isn't so bad. Hell, the Godfather series was following a group of mafioso, but they were three dimensional characters that were made sympathetic to the audience.
Attack the gas station had a whiny group of thugs vandalize a gas station, and be douches. Not a single protagonist was likable, with some vague sob stories about how that one asshole couldn't paint, the other asshole was a shitty musician, the leader asshole failed at joining the major leauges or whatever, and the big dumb asshole being a big, dumb asshole. These are not deep characters! These are not underdog heroes of the oppressed! Robin hood or Ali Baba they ain't!
To put it yet another way, it's like the guy in GANTZ who killed the baby over eating pudding, then seeing a flashback with him being traumatized by a pudding incident, then a flashforward showing him as a successful businessman. His stupid backstory does not make the fact that he's an amoral shithead A OK. It's unsatisfying and unrewarding. I do not like the "apple jacks" commercials for the same reason: glorification or justification of being an asshole is stupid.
Here's a litmus test: if kenshiro came across a character, what would he do with them? For these guys? They'd already be dead.
In fact, a one act catharsis for me:
Act one:
Kenshiro walks through a time warp in order to get supplies for the future, and spots a gas station in the distance.
As he approaches, Kenshiro sees a hideous man with a protruding jaw and beady eyes.
Kenshiro: May I have some gasoline
Shitwad McFuckwit: (something in korean)
Kenshiro then gestures to the pump, and produces some shiny gems in barter.
Cockwad (appearing agitated): (something else in korean)
Kenshiro then tries to gesture peaceable intentions, until he senes something amiss. From the windows, he sees the cashiers tied up.
During this time, Nopenis O'Castrate then decides to attack Kenshiro, being used to his unusually easy victories that night, as if some god were allowing four failures who couldn't succeed in anything one night where they didn't screw up.
Kenshiro then proceeds to beat the ever living daylights out of him, causing his lungs to be shredded from fragmented ribs, his large jaw torn off and thrown to the side by a powerful swing, and both his eyes crushed in their orbits. He falls to the ground, a puddle of a man, slowly suffocating to death on his own blood and bone.
Kenshiro then assesses the situation, and seeing that obvious villany is afoot, goes in to save the hostages. However, he is confronted by...
Shitgolem: HUR DURRRR HUF DURRR
Kenshiro sees that he is similar to the many decerebrate waste he has fought in his future, and decides that this was their progenitor.
Moron Monument (slams his big stick on the ground): GRRRAAAAH
As the tower of idiocy embodied charges forward, Kenshiro quickly goes to ground, and rips the Fuckwit's testicles off, thus preventing the breeding of future hideous 'tards.
Pinnacle of pinheads: (sobs, and faints)
As Kenshiro progresses, a blinding fastball approaches. But fuck that's it's Kenshiro and he catches it an inch from his head. He then throws it at the pitcher's head, resulting in a graphic explosion of his brain across the pavement.
The painter, realizing that this is just the logical inverse of the luck they were having that night, runs away, only to be confronted by both the mafia and the Chinese delivery guys. Being the effeminate pussy he is, they run a train on him, where he later dies in the hospital due to sustaining severe rectal tears and facial trauma.
Kenshiro then frees the hostages, and takes his supplies while leaving some gems on the counter. The old man uses these gems to get the hell out of that shithole of a city, and go some place where he isn't robbed nightly.
~Fin~
