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Post by Muramasa on Apr 14, 2010 20:46:39 GMT -8
Alright, this thread hasn't been seeing a lot of action lately, but the storyboarding process has started. That said, the story has, once again, undergone major revisions from previous versions. Considering that, I'll let y'all in on what I'm working with at the moment. This will more than likely be the final version of the animation story, albeit with minor tweaks and changes as the storyboarding progresses. I don't really feel like writing out a dramatic version right now so I'll just type out a quick skeleton of the story here: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Establishing shot. This is one of the parts that isn't quite set in stone yet. I have a couple options, one being a long shot of Punk's current location and the machine he's working on. The second is a series of shots showing a city and the people within, followed by a long camera move taking us far below the city, and to the station where Punk is. The reason for the second option is to create even higher stakes apart from those directly relating to Punk in regards to the machine failing. This was my professor's suggestion. -Punk tightening a bolt on the machine with his wrench. The machine is some kind of pressurized station of sorts. The designs for the machine and the general surroundings are still unrefined. I'm working on this aspect now, because having an unclear environment makes storyboarding difficult. For the purpose of this, though, imagine a large boiler with a bunch of pipes, and Punk is accessing this via a series of catwalks with guardrails suspended above what would be a very long fall. -Punk successfully tightens bolt. Lifts his goggles and wipes his forehead, giving the first clear view of his face. -Punk steps back and admires his work. He takes his wrench and as he moves to tuck it into his belt, gets it caught on a chain on his person. I haven't quite figured out how it's going to get caught, but I need a way to draw attention to the locket. Perhaps instead of around his neck it could be in a pocket or something and the chain came loose. That collar is awfully protective for something around his neck to accidentally get snagged. - The chain snaps and a locket falls. Punk panics and barely manages to catch it before it hits the catwalk. - He breathes a sigh of relief and takes a look at the locket. It contains an old picture of him and his mother (another possible variation here. Girlfriend, maybe.) Punk makes a sad smile. - A rumble causes him to look up, and a sudden explosion of steam pressure catches him by surprise. The locket is wrenched from his hand and Punk is sent slamming into the railing opposite the machine. - Punk catches himself and carefully pulls himself back away from the edge, spotting the locket in the process, perched precariously on an edge a few feet away. - Punk rushes for the locket and another violent burst of steam threatens his safety. The machine finally gaining his attention, Punk glances at the pressure dials. The pressure is climbing, but levels aren't critical. - Still having time, and being so close, Punk reaches for the locket. Another blast of steam cuts him off and the whole place trembles. - Punk takes another look at the dials and the levels are critical. Punk is torn between the two options (if the second establishing shot with the city is used, that could be brought up as one of his considerations, like a flash of memory) but ultimately recognizes the machine as being the greater priority. - Punk lowers his goggles in a determined fashion, and rushes to the machine. - The high volume of steam proves to be too much, and Punk can't get close enough. He spots the release lever and heads for that. - He grabs the lever and jerks back in recoil, feeling the intense heat right through his gloves. Thinking quickly, Punk takes his wrench and "hammers" the lever into place, barely shutting off the steam pressure before the machine blows. - Punk looks over to see the locket still there, and rushes toward it. As he nears the locket, it falls over the edge. - In a panic, Punk dives for the locket, barely grabbing it before it falls out of reach. - Punk breathes a deep sigh of relief and pulls himself back up. He tucks the locket away and returns to his work. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So that's where I currently stand. I'd like to hear all of your feedback on it. Yeah, that sounds cool. I still think it'd be more dramatic if he went over the edge, it's all good man. |
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Post by Kuat on Apr 14, 2010 21:01:01 GMT -8
To be honest, the old "gotta save the Mac Guffin" story, wherin the protagonist is on edge because an item is in peril, just doesn't do it for me. The reason being is that it's stressful to watch, without much in the way of reward, if you catch what I'm saying. There isn't much charactarization there, and the motivation is trite. Don't get me wrong, it works and is a tried and true story, and no one can reasonably blast any theme done well. If you want a judgment on "is this a good enough premise to do a short animation"? Then it's great. But the premise is bland to me compared to the other ideas you were passing around. I did mention before that I wasn't too keen with the "threat" being the machine just needing tweaking, so I'm basically restating what I previously thought. I do sympathize with the fact that it's short and you can only do so much, so if you must go with that angle, the way you approached it is perfect. As for the intro, this: is my choice; it at least gives you an idea of why we should care. From there to the "accident" is a good way of establishing the scenario. His accident seems sorta lame. You'd think a guy who did this for a living wouldn't be so klutzy as to just have random chains exposed to various things that it can catch on. I'd like for him to admire it first during a break in work, then some random disaster happen that knocks it out of his hands. The rest is good until his "eureka" moment. I think mura had mentioned before, hitting something really hard is sorta... meh. I'm tapped for energy now, but I think there are a multitude of imaginative solutions one can think of. Off the top of my head, maybe the valve can be across a catwalk, and he has to lasso the lever closed by improvising some fire hose/etc as a lasso. Again, anything other than "I hit it hard". Again, the whole "it's falling!' thing is something I never liked. I'd rather he just get the locket than that getting pulled, and the last seconds be him doing anything else. Long story short: as you have it, it works well for what it is and I can imagine it readily. I don't particularly like the plot, but it functions as a vehicle for the animation, which is pretty much what you're going for. |
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Post by Muramasa on Apr 14, 2010 22:29:13 GMT -8
His accident seems sorta lame. You'd think a guy who did this for a living wouldn't be so klutzy as to just have random chains exposed to various things that it can catch on. I'd like for him to admire it first during a break in work, then some random disaster happen that knocks it out of his hands. Hah, yeah, that's good. If he did take a look at it, he'd probably come off as more of a sentimental person than a careless klutz. |
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Post by Inaaca on Apr 14, 2010 22:48:56 GMT -8
Yeah, that sounds cool. I still think it'd be more dramatic if he went over the edge, it's all good man. That's true. I'll consider it, though it would be a pretty huge animation challenge. To be honest, the old "gotta save the Mac Guffin" story, wherin the protagonist is on edge because an item is in peril, just doesn't do it for me. The reason being is that it's stressful to watch, without much in the way of reward, if you catch what I'm saying. There isn't much charactarization there, and the motivation is trite. Don't get me wrong, it works and is a tried and true story, and no one can reasonably blast any theme done well. If you want a judgment on "is this a good enough premise to do a short animation"? Then it's great. But the premise is bland to me compared to the other ideas you were passing around. I did mention before that I wasn't too keen with the "threat" being the machine just needing tweaking, so I'm basically restating what I previously thought. I do sympathize with the fact that it's short and you can only do so much, so if you must go with that angle, the way you approached it is perfect. As for the intro, this: is my choice; it at least gives you an idea of why we should care. From there to the "accident" is a good way of establishing the scenario. His accident seems sorta lame. You'd think a guy who did this for a living wouldn't be so klutzy as to just have random chains exposed to various things that it can catch on. I'd like for him to admire it first during a break in work, then some random disaster happen that knocks it out of his hands. The rest is good until his "eureka" moment. I think mura had mentioned before, hitting something really hard is sorta... meh. I'm tapped for energy now, but I think there are a multitude of imaginative solutions one can think of. Off the top of my head, maybe the valve can be across a catwalk, and he has to lasso the lever closed by improvising some fire hose/etc as a lasso. Again, anything other than "I hit it hard". Again, the whole "it's falling!' thing is something I never liked. I'd rather he just get the locket than that getting pulled, and the last seconds be him doing anything else. Long story short: as you have it, it works well for what it is and I can imagine it readily. I don't particularly like the plot, but it functions as a vehicle for the animation, which is pretty much what you're going for. Yeah, honestly I would love to incorporate deeper/more complex elements, but the length just doesn't lend itself well to it. I don't want to have to rush through events just to fit everything in, or overload myself with an animation that's too long. I was considering possibly striking up some kind of a comic or something after this animation, though, since I was spending so much time with this character. Things could further develop there if I end up pursuing something like that. In any case, as far as general plot direction, this is the first one my professor seems really on board with, so I don't think I'll be making any more massive story revisions. That being said, all of your points are valid so I'll address those. I'll probably end up going with the city establishment shot. It provides another element to further raise the stakes outside of the immediate danger to Punk's life. That, and it gives a broader look at Punk's situation. I'm not totally on board with the accident, either. I haven't really come up with a believable way for it to happen. Your suggestion with him taking out the locket and admiring it is what I initially had. There's one problem with it, though, in that there needs to be some reason for which he takes out the locket right then and there. If you can come up with a reason for why he is suddenly reminded of the locket, then I'll consider the suggestion. I agree that something more creative can be used to solve the machinery issue. I'll give it some thought. I'm not really on board with Punk just taking the locket at the end. It's been in a precarious position the whole time, so the tension should stay right up to the end. I don't want to make any part of this easy for him. This is a good discussion so far. Let's keep it going. :` |
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Post by Kuat on Apr 15, 2010 9:53:10 GMT -8
There's one problem with it, though, in that there needs to be some reason for which he takes out the locket right then and there. If you can come up with a reason for why he is suddenly reminded of the locket, then I'll consider the suggestion. After he wipes his brow and admires his work, he maybe can rest a bit (sit down/lean/ something suggesting he's taking a breather). He can stare into space for a bit, then fish out of his pocket the locket. As mura had said, it demonstrates sentimentality. It's implied that this work that he is doing is for the sake of the person depicted in the locket; it lends a personal motivation for his actions. Fair enough. It's really not that important anyway, and It goes with the general flow you have. Anyway, I'd say what you have is good enough to start going on with the next steps. With or without these suggestions, the end product is essentially the same. |
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Post by Inaaca on Apr 27, 2010 23:03:51 GMT -8
I came up with the idea (and have already applied this to the storyboards) of making it a pocketwatch instead of a locket. This way he can check the time (even perhaps have an alarm go off) to draw his attention, and the picture will be placed in the inside cover.
I do want to ask everyone's opinion though, what do you think should be in the picture? Mom? Dad? Girlfriend? Family? Include him in the picture or leave him out? Something else entirely? Let me know what you think.
Also, Brian (or Anta or anyone else that might want to weigh in) I'd like to explore your thoughts a little bit more on the "hitting the lever" part. You seem to imply that it's an underwhelming solution, but I keep thinking about it and I still feel that a simple solution under a high stress situation such as this still makes for a very intense scene. I also have a hard time thinking of what else he could do that would be more "interesting" to solve this particular problem. Maybe we can brainstorm a bit and/or talk about this a bit more. What are you thoughts on this?
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Post by ShortPerson on Apr 28, 2010 13:42:27 GMT -8
I came up with the idea (and have already applied this to the storyboards) of making it a pocketwatch instead of a locket. This way he can check the time (even perhaps have an alarm go off) to draw his attention, and the picture will be placed in the inside cover. I do want to ask everyone's opinion though, what do you think should be in the picture? Mom? Dad? Girlfriend? Family? Include him in the picture or leave him out? Something else entirely? Let me know what you think. I like the pocket watch idea better than the locket one. I don't know very many boys that have lockets. The picture in it is a cool idea. About the picture...it should related to Punk's back store. For all we know it could be his older sister(or brother) or a younger sibling his working to support. I don't know if Punk is old enough to have a girlfriend but that could work. It should be someone important to him. It could even be a younger picture of him with his mentor. Also, Brian (or Anta or anyone else that might want to weigh in) I'd like to explore your thoughts a little bit more on the "hitting the lever" part. You seem to imply that it's an underwhelming solution, but I keep thinking about it and I still feel that a simple solution under a high stress situation such as this still makes for a very intense scene. I also have a hard time thinking of what else he could do that would be more "interesting" to solve this particular problem. Maybe we can brainstorm a bit and/or talk about this a bit more. What are you thoughts on this? I think that while he is trying to pull on it and knock it with his wrench a big burst of steam knocks him it to the lever. The force of his body weight knocks the lever over and shuts off the machine. |
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Post by Kuat on Apr 29, 2010 10:14:14 GMT -8
I came up with the idea (and have already applied this to the storyboards) of making it a pocketwatch instead of a locket. This way he can check the time (even perhaps have an alarm go off) to draw his attention, and the picture will be placed in the inside cover. Heh, that was a great way to handle that. Each of those implies different things. A dad invokes duty, maybe he works hard to get his acknowledgement. A mother/girlfriend who be who he is working for so they can live more comfortably. Family together would give a sense of nostalgia, that he is doing this and wishes he could go back. Him being out of the picture would reinforce that. For sake of what we have so far, some female would fit best IMO. I just watched "How to Train your Dragon", which was excellent. There was a certain scene that was more-or-less like this, but it had a lead up to it (the entire segment was about half a minute). What I would imagine is that there are a myriad number of pipes, and you can pan really quickly to show a lot of them bursting/getting distended. We see punk frantically look to the multitude of valves, dials, and levers to find the right one. However, in a moment of calm (sound gets tuned down, something else suggests he is concentrating/eyes narrow/takes a deep breath) he can see (and the viewer will be shown this through his vision) that the pipes effected all lead to a single valve/lever. Due to him keeping his head cool in the right situation, he was able to pinpoint an area that would prevent the disaster from spreading. He then runs to the valve/lever and closes it/releases the buildup, barely ahead of the bursting steam. Thus instead of seeming "I just hit this hard" it's "I have many levers and valves, and can only close one to stop the disaster. Due to keeping cool, I'm able to do what I need to stop this." |
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Post by Muramasa on Apr 29, 2010 17:45:40 GMT -8
Yeah, I like the idea of a pocket watch. Pocket watches are generally more appropriate for the steam punk atmosphere that you're trying to create, in addition the fact that they're pretty cool. I just watched "How to Train your Dragon", which was excellent. There was a certain scene that was more-or-less like this, but it had a lead up to it (the entire segment was about half a minute). What I would imagine is that there are a myriad number of pipes, and you can pan really quickly to show a lot of them bursting/getting distended. We see punk frantically look to the multitude of valves, dials, and levers to find the right one. However, in a moment of calm (sound gets tuned down, something else suggests he is concentrating/eyes narrow/takes a deep breath) he can see (and the viewer will be shown this through his vision) that the pipes effected all lead to a single valve/lever. Due to him keeping his head cool in the right situation, he was able to pinpoint an area that would prevent the disaster from spreading. He then runs to the valve/lever and closes it/releases the buildup, barely ahead of the bursting steam. Thus instead of seeming "I just hit this hard" it's "I have many levers and valves, and can only close one to stop the disaster. Due to keeping cool, I'm able to do what I need to stop this." Heh, this sounds pretty good. I've been trying to think of other ideas as well, but can't seem to think of any other elegant solutions. I'll post them if any comes to mind. |
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Post by Inaaca on Apr 29, 2010 18:08:21 GMT -8
Thanks for the comments so far, everyone.  It sounds like everyone likes the pocketwatch idea, so that's certainly staying in. OUCH! That sounds like it could potentially kill him, heh. It's an interesting idea, though I'm not sure if I personally believe that a blow from his squishy body would knock the lever over when the full force of his wrench didn't. Also, the fact that he didn't actually solve the problem himself leaves something to be desired. Good thinking though, I like the way you're going about it. Let me know if you think of anything else. Sounds good to me. I like this idea a lot. I think I can definitely work with something like this. I loved that movie, too. What scene were you thinking of, by the way? Also, thanks for the well thought out responses. I really appreciate it. So currently, the storyboards are still in the works (but will be finished very soon, roughly a week-ish), so until those are done any other ideas are still welcome if anyone thinks of anything. :` |
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Post by Kuat on Apr 29, 2010 18:10:55 GMT -8
What scene were you thinking of, by the way? When he loses the "instruction manual" for the tail. |
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Post by Inaaca on Apr 29, 2010 18:14:17 GMT -8
What scene were you thinking of, by the way? When he loses the "instruction manual" for the tail. Ah, I was thinking that might be it. Good stuff. |
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Post by Inaaca on May 26, 2010 0:04:53 GMT -8
Rough environment/machinery sketch ideas:   Layout concepts: Steam town:  Punk's station:  |
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Post by Muramasa on May 27, 2010 11:31:09 GMT -8
Only one more semester before we get to see some actual animation.
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Post by Inaaca on Sept 2, 2010 21:32:14 GMT -8
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Post by Muramasa on Sept 2, 2010 22:50:12 GMT -8
Oh hey, new stuff. Not bad, though I actually imagined his voice being a bit higher pitched because he seemed a lot "younger" to me, if you know what I'm saying.
I think the last line was spoken a bit too quickly as well, heh, though I figured that's not the point voice test.
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Post by Inaaca on Sept 2, 2010 22:58:18 GMT -8
Young, but tough and mature. I didn't like the feel of going too high pitched.
Also, the voice performance is taken from a film, so there's not much point in criticizing that.
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Post by Muramasa on Sept 2, 2010 23:02:47 GMT -8
Hah, fair enough. If anything that actually makes it worse because it is from a professional production and not amateur attempt.
Incidentally, what film is it from?
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Post by Inaaca on Sept 2, 2010 23:08:11 GMT -8
Hah, fair enough. If anything that actually makes it worse because it is from a professional production and not amateur attempt. Incidentally, what film is it from? The anime film Whisper of the Heart. While it isn't an outstanding clip, English voice acting for young boys was pretty dang bad practically everywhere I checked. This is very good by comparison. |
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Post by Inaaca on Sept 3, 2010 20:34:20 GMT -8
Well I was going to attach a zip of my storyboards but I've realized that they're far too big (the attachment limit can only fit something like one page), and I'm too lazy to really feel like posting them individually. I would also rather not put it anywhere in public where it could easily be discovered.
Any decent suggestions for sharing alternatives?
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